Oh My God! I Killed Harry Potter!
by MoroTheWolfGod
Summary: A number of scenarios where Harry Potter dies in HP 1, 2 and 3.
1. Train Station

Oh My God! I killed Harry Potter Part. 1 Train Station  
"Every year packed with muggles, of course!" Harry heard across the way.   
  
"Muggles?" Must be wizards. Maybe I should go check it out.   
  
"Come on. Platform 9 3/4, this way." Sure enough there was a woman with a young girl and 4 boys. One looked about my age.   
  
"All right, Percy, you first."   
  
A boy who looked about 17 or 18 stepped up and ran straight through the wall! The wall! A brick wall! I was sure I was seeing things.   
  
"Fred, you next."   
  
"He's not Fred, I am." How can you tell them apart?   
  
"Honestly woman you call yourself our mother?"   
  
"Oh, I'm sorry George." Why was she apolagizing? I couldn't even tell.   
  
"I'm only joking. I am Fred." The little weasel.   
  
And he ran through with his twin following. I am not sure if i'm seeing things, My life has been totally turned upside down. Well, It's now or never.   
  
"Excuse me." Please help me, I'm a litte lost in wizard stuff, I silently begged. "Could...Could you tell me how to...."   
  
"How to get onto the platform? Yes, not to worry, dear. It's Ron's first time to Hogwarts as well. Now, all you do is walk straight at the wall between platforms 9 and 10. Best to do it at a bit of a run if your nervous."   
  
The little girl looked up at me "Good luck."   
  
Yeah, I'll need it. Breath Harry. Breath. Here I go. *Though the wall* I look around.   
  
"Wow! Owwwww!!!!" A buggy hit me in the back. the last thing I hear is...."Wow, Way to go Ron!"   
  
"You're really going in the history books. I can see it now 'Ronald Weasley killed Harry potter when the greatest evil in the world Voldermort could not!'" 


	2. Troll In The Bathroom

Chapter 2. Troll in the Bathroom  
  
"Gryfindors, keep up, please, and stay alert."  
  
Me and Ron were walking to our house when a thought hit me.  
  
"How could a troll get in?" I asked Ron.   
  
"Not on it's own. Trolls are really stupid. Probably people playing jokes."  
  
I suddenly grabbed Rons robe "What?" Ron asked annoyed   
  
"Hermione! She doesn't know." I remind him.   
  
He should have remembered. He's the reason she's in there. We run to the Girls bathroom as fast as our young legs will carry us. When we see it's shadow.   
  
"I think the trolls left the dungeon." Well, Atleast he didn't say 'I think we need a bigger boat'.   
  
I pull Ron infront of a window that lucky for us has a indention where we can hide. When we finally see the ugly (Please keep in mind, I, Moro think the troll is beautiful) body of the Mountain Troll.   
  
"It's going into the girls bathroom." I tell Ron, As if it isn't obvious. We sneak up to the door so he won't hear us (I'm gonna skip the Hermione part cause, well, this is in Harry's POV, not mine). We run in as soon as we hear Hermione scream, Then she looks at us as if she didn't think we were gonna come to her rescue.   
  
"Hermione, move!" I scream as the troll pulls back it's arm   
  
"Help! Help!" What do you think we're trying to do you silly girl (Harry better watch it, I'm a girl too) Me and Ron start throwing debris at the troll   
  
"Hey, pea brain!" Ron yells at it with a well aimed blow to the forehead of the troll. Well, we got it's attention. Then, of course Hermione moves and get's it's attention again, and where does she head? Not towards us but the sinks of all places. I hope the troll doesn't notice her. No such luck, He saw and aims for her again, and narrowly misses her (If you look closely he went through her, lol).   
  
"Help!" Silly git. I'm trying. I run towards the troll as he pulls back his club again and latch onto the club and fall onto his neck. Nice sized neck too. Of course he struggles and my wand gets caught up his nose. eeck.   
  
"Eew" Right there with ya Ron. He struggles again and grabs my leg.   
  
"Do something!" I yell to Ron, Who's standing there like a deer caught in headlights. He swings at me and I pull up.   
  
"What?" Yells Ron while looking around   
  
"Anything!" For Gods sake man I'm about to be troll meat, He swings at me again and once again I pull up   
  
"Hurry up!" He pulls out his wand   
  
"Swish and flick." Hermione chimes in. Why don't she swish and flick? Why does it have to be Ron? Oh no. Here it comes.   
  
"Wingardium Leviosa." It works, Well I'll be a monkeys uncle. He pulled the club from the trolls hand as he swings at me. Oh no. The troll moves and the club falls onto me!   
  
"Oops." I did it again? Wow. Even in death I still have a sense of humor. Hermione finally pitches in and somehow knocks the troll out cold. Proffesors McGonagall, Snape, and Quirrel run into the room at that time.   
"Oh my goodness!" McGonagall exclaims on seeing my almost dead body   
"It was an accident Ma'am!" Ron says quickly   
"Be that as it may, it was an extremely foolish thing to do. 50 points will be taken from Gryffindor, For the Murder of Harry Potter"   
50 points....I'm only worth 50 points....but...I'm....Famous.....  
Special thanks to:  
Alida-Fruit: Yes. I did decide to Expand on it. And as a gift for being the first reviewer to ch.1, I give you a Cookie!  
incurelf: Thank you! I plan too!  
little-lost-one: That's it...Well Thanks...lol  
Wind: Yeah, odd is cool! Thanks for reviewing! 


	3. Quidditch

Chapter 3. Quidditch  
  
Wow. My first day of Quidditch. Ok. We are standing at the door. Calm yourself Potter. Don't give Malfoy another reason to tease you.  
  
"Scared, Harry?" Wood asked me. Of course I am! I'm gonna be flying above the ground about a hundred feet up. I'd have to be stupid to not be scared.  
  
"A little." Okay, Okay A lot!  
  
"It's all right. I felt the same way before my first game."  
  
Don't ask. Don't ask. "What happened?" Doesn't my mouth listen to my brain?  
  
"I don't really remember. I took a bludger to the head two minutes in. Woke up in hospital a week later."  
  
Great Wood. Just what I wanted to hear. Good News: I'm not so scared anymore. Bad News: Now I'm terrified.   
  
Oh no. The doors open. Now or never Harry. I fly out onto the field. Oh dear God. It's so high.   
  
"Welcome to Hogwarts first Quidditch game of the season! Today's game, Slytherin versus Gryffindor!" Can I have his job? Don't look down. Don't look down. I looked. Woah! That's a long drop.   
  
"The players take their positions as Madam Hooch steps onto the field to begin the game!"   
  
"Now, I want a nice, clean game from all of you!" Is she looking at me? What did I do? Oh! Why does she have to kick the box?  
  
"The Bludgers are up, followed by the Golden Snitch. Remember the Snitch is worth 150 points. The Seeker who catches the Snitch ends the game. The Quaffle is released and the game begins!" The announcer had to say that didn't he?   
  
Oh dear God. This looks like that episode on lions from the discovery channel!  
  
"Angelina Johnson scores! Ten points for Gryffindor!"  
  
"Yes!" We just might win this after all! Holy crap. I almost fell to the grass below. I need to be careful. Jeez. I've been in so many places where I could be killed it's almost like someone want's me dead....Other than Voldermort that is.   
  
"Slytherin takes the Quaffle. Bletchley passes to Captain Marcus Flint."   
  
Oh no! He's gonna score! Haha! Nice save Wood!   
  
"Another 10 points to Gryffindor!"  
  
That cheater knocked Wood off his broom! Hmm...I wonder if he'll wake up in hospital a week later?  
  
Hah! The snitch! Hiho, Nimbus! Away!  
  
What is up with my broom! Holy crap! I'm dangling!   
  
*about 2 minutes later*  
  
I'm slipping! Wait! I got it! Well I had it! I'm falling to my death!   
  
Oww. That hurt...  
  
"And Harry's life force is slipping away on the Quidditch floor!" Will someone shut that announcer up! Oh lookie! My friends are coming!   
  
"Pay up Hermione! I told you I wouldn't be the one who killed Harry!" What are you talking about Ron?  
  
"Oh, please! Everyone knows you payed off Snape! Cheater."  
  
What? My life's a bet? I'm just a stupid bet.............  
Reviews!  
  
Canis Lupin - Fluffy said thanks!  
little-lost-one - lol  
incurelf - Thank you! I have at least 1 more scenario, but I might be able to scrounge out more.  
Alda - I will! Remember...There's 6 more movies!  
Alida-Fruit - You're very welcome! BTW If this chapter's not my usual style. I'm tired. I can't find my remote. and the 11th is coming very quickly.  
buckbeak412 - Thanks. I'll fix that when I re format it all. Maybe tomorrow if I don't have anything else to do, and am not so tired after six flags.  
Chrissy Greenleaf - I actually adore our Red Headed friend. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Wow. My reviewers are multiplying like rabbits in heat! Remember. The more reviews I get the faster I post. BTW. I'm thinking of getting a Beta reader after the 11th. Anyone up for the job? 


	4. Forbidden Forest

Chapter 4. Forbidden Forest  
  
After Draco caught Hagrid with Baby Norbert and Us not in bed he went to Proffesor McGonagall and he got in trouble as well. Now on we are on our way to Hagrids Hut with Mr. Filch.   
  
"A pity they let the old punishments die." This guy need some serious psychiatric help  
  
"Was a time detention found you hanging by your thumbs in the dungeon. God, I miss the screaming." Yep. Booking that appointment tomorrow.  
  
Finally we reach Hagrids Hut. I don't know how much more of Filch I can take.   
  
"You'll be serving detention with Hagrid tonight." Is that really a punishment? I think I like detention.   
  
"He's got a little job to do in the Dark Forest." Atleast I know Hagrid won't let anything happen to me. I am so lucky to be friends with Hagrid. "A sorry lot, this, Hagrid. Good God, You're not still on about that bloody dragon, are you?"  
  
What's he talking about? What happened to Norbert?  
  
"Norbert's gone. Dumbledore sent him off to Romania to live in a colony." Finally. The prodigale game keeper speaks.  
  
"That's good, isn't it? He's with his own kind." Hermione asks.  
  
"Yeah, But, What if he don't like Romania? What if the other dragons are mean to him? He's only a baby after all." Yes. But he's a baby that hiccups fire.  
  
"For God's sake, pull yourself together, man. You're going into the Forest after all. Got to have your wits about you."  
  
"The Forest? I thought that was a joke. We can't go in there. Students aren't allowed, And there are...werewolves." There's more than werewolves Malfoy. Hermione did research.  
  
"There's more than werewolves in those trees, lad. You can be sure of that." I told ya so, I told ya so. hehe  
  
"Nighty-night."  
  
"Right. Let's go." Thank you Hagrid for breaking this intolerable silence that Filch leaves where ever he goes.  
  
*In the forest*  
  
*Deeper in the forest*  
  
Ooh! Pretty metallic looking stuff in a puddle....I want some. "Hagrid, what is that?"   
  
"What we're here for. See that? That's unicorn blood, that is. I found one dead a few weeks ago."  
  
I still want some....  
  
"Now, this one's been hurt bad by something."  
  
*2 minutes of uncomfortable silence later*  
  
"So, it's our job to go and find the poor beast. Ron, Hermione, come with me."  
  
"Okay." Geez Ron. You sound sick.  
  
"And, Harry, you'll go with Malfoy." Okay. But it's like trying to mix oil and water.  
  
"Okay. Then I get Fang" You don't know what your getting into Malfoy. (A.N. If you pause it when Draco's saying Okay and going into Then he looks like a rabid mouse. teehee)  
  
"Fine. Just so you know, he's a bloody coward." Hah! Told ya! (BTW, Can anyone tell me what Fang is, Out side of the movie?)  
  
*5 minutes of complaining later*  
  
"Wait till my father hears about this. This is servant's stuff." Yeah, wait till you tell him what you did to get detention while you're at it.  
  
"If I didn't know better, Draco, I'd say you were scared."  
  
"I'm not scared, Potter."..."Did you hear that?" Of course your not scared. That's why your rambling.  
  
"Come on, Fang." Hagrids right. He is a bloody coward.  
  
"Scared!" Start believing Draco.  
  
*another 5 minutes later*  
  
"What is it, Fang?"  
  
Oh my goodness! A cloaked figure is drinking a unicorns blood! Hey dude. Can you bottle some up for me?  
  
Draco suddely screams. Hah, ya you were scared Malfoy!  
  
Great, Draco and the bloody chicken dog abandoned me!  
  
He's approaching me now! Oh no!   
  
And like every great Heroine I trip!  
  
Suddenly he runs and I hear hoof beats, and look up to see a hoof come down on my chest.  
  
*2 minutes later*  
  
Hagrid suddenly appears. Fashionably late.  
  
"Hagrid" The Centaur begins "Alas you're too late. I accidently killed him."  
  
"A game keeper in never late! Nor is he early! He arrives precisely when he means to." (BTW...I don't own that quote)  
Review answering time!  
  
little-lost-one - I wouldn't know. I've never seen South Park.  
  
Dragon Girl - That's the whole point.  
  
Wind - I will fix that when I get a chance. I saw that in number 2 but I could have sworn he was a girl in 1. Aw, well.  
  
incurelf - I shoul hope so. BTW thanks for adding me to you favorites.  
  
peachesNcream - I plan to! Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Chrissy Greenleaf - Thanks!  
  
Alida-Fruit - Okay! You just lost that bet! *smiles* It was the Centaur! 


	5. Through The Trapdoor

Chapter 5. Through the trapdoor.  
  
Me, Ron, and Hermione run down the main flight of stairs to the Gryffindors Common Room.  
  
Oh for goodness sakes. What's Trevor doing here?  
  
"Trevor."  
  
"Trevor, shush, go! You shouldn't be here!" Ron. He's croaking. It's not like he'll be able to call the calvary.  
  
"Neither should you. You're sneaking out again, aren't you?" Great. The toad brought his pet with him.  
  
"Now. Neville, listen. We were--"  
  
"No, I won't let you! You'll get Gryffindor into trouble again. I'll fight you." Yeah right. Your as chicken as Fang.  
  
"Neville, I'm really, really sorry about this. Petrificas Totalus."  
  
Wow. Nice one Hermione. I would have done The Jelly-Legs curse myself.  
  
"You're a little scary sometimes, you know that?" Of course she knows it Ron. It's all about Girl Power! Okay....I just sounded very gay didn't I? "Brilliant, but scary."  
  
"Let's go." And please don't let me get killed.  
  
And as we pass Neville we have to pay our respects.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"It's for your own good you know."  
  
*5 minutes later, under my cloak, and on the third door right out side Fluffy's door*  
  
"Ow! You stood on my foot!"  
  
"Sorry." Oh stop flirting you two.  
  
Finally we're there.  
  
"Alohomora"  
  
The door opens, and there lays out 3-headed doom.  
  
Ah, what sweet harp music.  
  
"Wait a minute. He's...snoring." Wow! I'm such a genius!  
  
"Snape's already been here. He's put a spell on the harp."  
  
"Ugg! It's got horrible breath." Yeah, just like you.  
  
"We have to move its paw." I'm so smart! Maybe I should wear my underpants outside my pants! I'll be just like Superman!  
  
"What?" Oh, so you need a hearing aid now?  
  
"Come on!" Next you'll be telling me he's afraid of spiders.  
  
"Okay. Push." There we are! Trapdoor uncovered!  
  
Now! If I'm to be Superman, I have to be heroic. "I'll go first. Don't follow until I give you a sign. If something bad happens, get yourselves out." What am I saying. If something bad happens, get me out!  
  
Wait..."Does it seem a bit quiet to you?"  
  
"The harp. It stopped playing." Does it also seem a bit drafty to you?  
  
"Ugg! Yuck!" That looks like dog slobber. Wait. Fluffys the only dog here.  
  
I look up and see a head biting down around my neck. Splattering blood.  
  
"Ugg! Harry blood!" Geez thanks Ron...  
  
"Oh, well. Want to back to bed Ron."  
  
"No! I want to take a bath! I don't want to smell like Harry!"  
  
Reviews! And everyone this time has E-Mails!  
  
A-Chan - Welcome! Just tell me if you don't want to recieve e-mails when the new chapters are up! K!  
  
little-lost-one - Thanks! I'll be writing one everyday till Chamber Of Secrets comes out. I even put down 5 dollars on both the DVD and VHS copies!  
  
Wind - YAY! I want my chocolate frogs now!  
  
incurelf - I'll remember that threat about a threat! lol! BTW Wher ever dod you get your name? I'm just wondering.  
  
Inuyasha lover - Welcome to the world of Harry Potter! And remember. As long as there are more movies and more ways to kill the Potter brat I'll keep writing!  
  
Alida-Fruit - Hermione. And you were wrong again! haha! I didn't even see that review till I finished writing it. That was a good idea. I might do it in one of the future ones if Fluffy makes a return appearance. With all credit to you. *smiles*  
  
BTW, I still need a beta. I would prefer one of my readers do it cause you care more about it than random people whe most likely love Harry. BTW (again) Any Flamers will recieve Howlers. But if you want a howler just ask in a good review too! 


	6. Devil's Snare

Chapter 7. Devils Snare  
  
After we jumped down the trapdoor Fluffy was gaurding we fell on a plant thing.  
  
"Woah. Lucky this plant things here, really." I was just thinking the same thing Ron.  
  
"Woah!" I think this plants trying to kill me! Hey! Maybe I should take some of this with me! It's better than handcuffs!  
  
The vines are starting to choke us!  
  
"Stop moving, both of you. This is Devil's Snare. You have to relax. If you don't, it will only kill you faster." Not a great way to put it Hermione!  
  
"Kill us faster? Oh, now I can relax!"  
  
Suddenly Hermione drops through the bottom! Oh No!  
  
"Hemione!" Well, it appears as if we both have the same thing on our mind! Not Hermione, if that's what your thinking...OUR IMPENDING DOOM!   
  
"Now what are we gonna do?"  
  
"Just relax!" AH! IT'S HERMIONE'S GHOST COME BACK TO HAUNT ME!  
  
"Hermione, where are you?"  
  
"Do what I say! Trust Me." I relax and fall through the plant. Ah. All's well.  
  
"AH! HARRY!" Well it's nice to know I'm loved!  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
"He's not relaxing, is he?"  
  
"Apparently not."  
  
"We've gotta do something." But what. You're the genius.  
  
"What?"   
  
"I remember reading something in Herbology."  
  
"Devil's Snare, Devil's Snare. It's deadly fun...But will sulk in the sun! That's it! It hates sunlight. Lumus Solem."  
  
It let's go of Ron. And Ron comes crashing down on Harry neck. The snapping soung with the blood splatter is resounding.  
  
"Hah! I told you you would kill him Ron!"  
  
"Oh, Shut up Hermione! At least I didn't pay off Snape!"  
  
Reviews!  
  
Velaineil - Howlers on it's Way! And congrats! The jobs yours!   
  
incurelf - Neat!  
  
Alida-Fruit - THANKS!  
  
raindrops - YAY! NEW READER!  
  
Miranda@lotr.com - They actually become a couple.  
  
A-Chan - YAY! Yes. You get e-mails now.  
  
Chrissy Greenleaf - Yes. I adore Lord of the Rings! And thanks I put that quote spur of the moment. It just seemed to fit. 


	7. The Keys Of Doom

Chapter 7. The Keys Of Doom  
  
We finally get past the Devil's Snare and walk into a room filled with Flying Keys and a Broomstick hovering in the middle of the room.  
  
"Curious. I've never seen birds like these."  
  
"They're not birds. They're keys." Wow. I had to inform the genius. Put this down as a National holiday."And I'll bet one of them fits that door."  
  
"What's this all about?" Geez, Hermione. Full of questions today, aren't we?  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Ron pulls out his wand. Oh no...He's gonna shoot one down ain't he.  
  
No...He's walking to the door.  
  
"Strange." Who would think he would finally participate.  
  
"Alohomora! Well, it was worth a try." Why doesn't Hermione try?  
  
"What are we going to do? There must be a thousand keys up there." Anytime now Ron  
  
"We want a big, old-fashioned one. Probably rusty, like the handle." Me thinks Ron seen way to many movies.  
  
There it is! "I see it! The one with the broken wing." I know what I must do....Use The Force!  
  
"What's wrong Harry?"  
  
"It's too simple." Snape would have been more careful with the key. He broke it's wing on purpose.  
  
"Go on Harry! If Snape could catch it on that old broomstick, you can. You're the youngest Seeker in a century." Yes Ron. I told you that.  
  
But when I grip it they all attack me! I have to hurry. I get on the broom and catch the key we need.  
  
"Catch the key!" And for goodness sakes don't lose it!  
  
They get the door open! THEY CLOSED IT! I CAN'T TURN BACK NOW!   
  
"OW!" The Keys pin me to the wall like a VooDoo doll! 


	8. Voldermort Rears His Ugly TwoFaced Head

Chapter 8. Voldermort Rears His Ugly Two-Faced Head  
  
I walk down the steps and see...QUIRREL! Wow. Who would have thought Poor Stuttering Proffessor Quirrel?  
  
"You?" Oh way to go Harry. You couldn't keep your big mouth shut. Could you? "No, it can't be. Snape, he was the--"  
  
"Yes, he does seem the type, doesn't he? Next to him, who would suspect P-P-Poor St-St-Stuttering Proffesor Quirrel?"  
  
"But that day, during the Quidditch match, Snape tried to kill me."  
  
"No, dear boy. I tried to kill you! And trust me, if Snapes cloak hadn't caught fire and broken my eye contact, I would have succeeded. Even with Snape muttering his little counter-curse."  
  
"S-Snape was trying to save me?" It can't be.  
  
"I knew you were a danger to me right after the off, especially after Halloween."  
  
"But, then you let the troll in!"  
  
"Very good, Potter, yes. Snape, unfortunately, wasn't fooled. While everyone else was running about the dungeon, he went to the third floor to head me off. He, of course, never trusted me again. He rarely left me alone. But he doesn't understand. I'm never alone. Never." I wonder if he hears voices "Now, what does this mirror do?" You don't know?!?! "I see what I desire. I see myself holding the stone. But how do I get it?" Good boy. Want a cookie?  
  
"Use the boy." Good God! Where did that voice come from? I'm scared.  
  
"Come here, Potter! Now!" Who are you to talk to me that way? Ah, well. Might as well humor El Crazy Man.  
  
I walk towards him somewhat stiffly.  
  
"Tell me, what do you see?" A crazy person?  
  
I see myself winking at me...if I didn't know better I'd say I was flirting with myself.  
  
"What is it? What do you see?"  
  
"I-I'm shaking hands with Dumbledore. I've won the house cup." I should have said my parents...Now I sound like Ron.  
  
"He lies." Tattletale  
  
"Tell the truth! What do you see?"  
  
"Let me speak to him."  
  
"Master, you are not strong enough." There he goes. Talking to little voices again.  
  
"I have strength enough for this."  
  
Ooh. What now. A turban strip tease?  
  
"Harry Potter we meet again." VOLDEMORT?!?!  
  
"Voldemort."  
  
"Yes. You see what I've become? See what I must do to survive? Live off another. A mere parasite. Unicorn blood can sustain me but it cannot give me a body of my own. But there is something that can. Something that, conveniently enough, lies in your pocket." Time to run!  
  
"Stop him!" Ahh! Fire!  
  
"Don't be a fool. Why suffer a horrific death when you can join me and live?" in Holy Matrimony?  
  
"Never!"  
  
"Bravery. Your parents had it too. Tell me, Harry would you like to see your Mother and Father again? Together we can bring them back. All I ask is for something in return. That's it, Harry. There is no Good and Evil. There is only power and those too weak to seek it.Together, we'll do extraordinary things. Just give me the Stone!" Hmm....Nope. I still need to learn how to do more magic before I try to take over the world.  
  
"You Liar!"  
  
"Kill him!" Oh Wow! HE FLIES!  
  
Anywho we fight I turn him to dust (A.N. I don't feel too good right now I'm super tired, Have a major headache, and My Eye hurts so bad it's bloodshot! So sorry if this is less than impressive)  
  
Wow. I'm a god!   
  
I pick up the stone and turn my back on the dust. Suddenly I hear something behind me! I turn around and scream Bloody Murder when The ghost of Voldemort eas my heart without leaving a mark! I wonder what will become of my body....after all...now...Voldemort can say....Oh My God! I Killed Harry Potter!...and celebrate............................ 


	9. Sorry!

Sorry! I had to get a new DVD player and learn how to use it and we moved the office....oh yeah.....and I've been driving alot and havent been at my computer. sorry peoples for keeping you waiting so long! 


	10. Flying to Hogwarts

I would have done the Diagon Alley....But I already did it in the first chapter....hehe  
  
Chapter 10. Flying to Howarts   
"The train leaves exactly at 11:00. We've missed it."   
  
"Harry, if we can't get through...maybe Mum and Dad can't get back." YAY! THE HOUSE IS OURS! Party Time!   
  
Nah.. "Maybe we should just go and wait by the car."  
  
"The car." Oh no........  
  
*Outside in the flying car*  
  
"Ron, I should tell you most muggles aren't accustomed to seeing a flying car." you dingbat (A.N. I do believe my best friend made that word....Sorry Mako-Chan)  
  
"Uh...Right. Okay" Now you sound like the Sorting Hat...  
  
*Invisible in what looks like middle-earth....hehe....okay....wizarding world*  
.......  
*Okay....Not so invisible*  
  
"Oh, no! The Invisibility Booster must be faulty." Ya think!?!?  
  
"Come on, then. Let's go lower. We need to find the train."  
  
"Okay." word of the day...  
  
"All we need to do is catch up with the train." Sounds easy enough.  
  
"We can't be far behind."  
  
I hear a train.  
  
"Do you hear that?"  
  
"We must be getting close." Oh no........I don't see it ahead.....  
  
"Hold on." I LOVE that expression Ron! hehe! So Cute!  
  
I see the train right behind us!  
  
We scream and Ron gets us out of harms way......or at least him....  
  
My door opens and I fall out and in desperation grab on to the door.  
  
"Harry! Hold on!" To what! "Take my hand!"  
  
I trusting my friend let go and grap his hand....but its sweaty.  
  
"Hold on!"  
  
"I'm trying. Your hands all sweaty."  
  
I fall into a fiery chasm in the earth....Ah! Mt. Harry's Doom!  
Oy.....Sorry if this isn't that good.....I tried.....My muse is on vacation.....  
Reviews.  
  
AA Battery: No problem! Any time!  
  
raindrops: of course.  
  
The Dark Rouge: Like make up? If your names like loner switch the u and g. Thanks for adding me to your favorites! and I'm glad you like!  
  
Ankhesanamun: Yeah....I was in a depressing mood.  
  
Alida-Fruit: Thankies!  
  
A-Chan: Best! Wow!  
  
Annoying little Bella Donna: hehe....I like you....your like me.....hehe.....yes....I liked the turban strip tease. Now me and my cousin joke about it when ever we see the movie.  
  
Wind: I'm Glad.  
  
Lady Arabella Sedai: Well....There's more movies.  
  
Chissy Greenleaf: Yeah. Me and my cousin thought that up.  
  
little-lost-one: Sure! *gives cookie*  
  
incurelf: And I love your reviews!  
  
Marisa: Thankies! 


	11. Whomping Willow

Chapter 11: Whomping Willow  
  
Me and Ron are flying across the water. Please car don't crash into the water.  
  
"Welcome Home." Yeah Ron. Welcome. With my luck when we go in we'll run into Snape or Filch.  
  
Oh no. We've hit turbulence. Don't crash into Hogwarts. Don't crash into Hogwarts.  
  
"Up! Up!" Come on man! Up!  
  
"It's not working!" Is it really a wonder Ron! It's an old car! Oh move over I'll help..This is not what it looks like (Moro has a sick mind. lol.).  
  
"Up! Ron, mind that tree!" Atleast it's only a tree not an Ent. It can't catch us.  
  
"Stop! Stop! Stop!" Oh Bloody great Ron! YOU BROKE YOUR WAND!  
  
Ouch. Whiplash. We hit the tree.and fall down the side..Reminds me of Jurassic Park.  
  
"My wand. Look at my wand." Ron. Has anyone ever told you you whine a lot?  
  
"Be thankful it's not your neck."  
  
"What's happening?" Do I look Psychic to you?  
  
"I don't know."  
  
The tree is moving. Come on Ron. Don't scream. Don't encourage it.  
  
The tree hits us a few times. (Then something happened the author did not intend) The tree didn't kill me intentionally. A branch happens to come through the back window the same time that Ron pulls me towards him. And oh look. My head is bouncing on the lawn. Ron killed me..Again. Yeesh. I need better taste in friends.  
  
Reviews:  
  
Nandell: Yeah it is ain't it. And the quote is from 'Jaws'  
  
Zelda Saturn Mistress: Just trying to help.  
  
Wind Wanderer: Thank you!  
  
AA Battery: Yeah. Could I have some of your fortune when you prove it?  
  
La Bella Yu-gi-oh: Yeah. I was feeling crazy at the time.  
  
incurelf: Valgaav would kill them. He don't play well with others.  
  
Lady Arabella Sedai: Yeah.  
  
Chrissy Greenleaf: I will.  
  
JediHermione: Me too.  
  
raindrops: really? Thanks!  
  
Alida-Fruit: Sorry went to Six Flags last three weeks and I'm exhausted.  
  
little-lost-one: I got LOTR on the mind.  
  
Rain: Because I'm here of course.  
  
BTW: Happy Halloween All! What's Everyones Costumes? I'm a Hobbit! 


	12. Mandrakes

Chapter 12: Mandrakes (This chapter dedicated to Elithraniel)  
  
What's that tapping when I'm talking to my friends? Oh No! Voldermorts trying to contact me with morse code! I'm sure of it!  
  
"Good morning, everyone." Oh. Professor Sprout...I knew that.  
  
"Good morning, Professor Sprout." everyone chorused around me.  
  
"Welcome to Greenhouse Three, second years. Now gather around, everyone. Today we're going to re-pot Mandrakes." Mandrakes? So I get to stuff Draco into a pot? Sounds like fun! "Who here can tell me the properties of the Mandrake root?" Root? When did he get a root? Why's Hermione holding up her hand? What does she know? "Yes, Miss Granger?"  
  
"Mandrake, or Mandragora is used to return those who have been Petrified to their original state. It's also quite dangerous. The Mandrake's cry is fatal to anyone who hears it" Wow. Hermione knows a little bit more than me. But how can a cry be fatal?  
  
"Excellent. Ten Points to Gryffindor." Not bad. If it had been me I would have only gotter 5 points."As our Mandrakes are only seedlingstheir cries won't kill you yet." Yet? She sounds like Hagrid. "But they could knock you out for several hours, which is why I have given each of you a pair of earmuffs for auditory protection. So could you put them on, right away? Quickly. Flaps tight down, and watch me closely." Huh? "You grasp your Mandrake firmly." Mandrake family? I'll just adjust the earmuffs so I can hear her." You pull it sharply up out of the pot." The Mandrake screams so high pitched! "Got it? And now you dunk it down into the other pot and pour a little sprinkling of soil to keep him warm."  
  
Oh why's my world going black? I'm falling...What's this sharp pain in my skull?  
  
"Potter's been neglecting his earmuffs."  
  
"No ma'am, He bleeding from the head."  
  
"Yes, well, just leave him there. Right on we go. Plenty of pots to go around"  
  
What...If I had been a girl she would have helped me...Why do I have to be male?  
  
Reviews:  
  
Elliekin: Lol. That is just wrong! Hehe.  
  
Irish QT: Most likely turn him into firewood for stealing his quote. LOL! Everyone would look at me funny if he said that from my strange ways of prediction!  
  
Elithraniel: Wow. I'm being praised! This chapters for you.  
  
Wind Wanderer: That Sucks!  
  
little-lost-one: Lol! You like Ents? Good!  
  
Zelda Saturn Mistress: Yup! Gotta love the Slash! Had to put it somewhere.  
  
Alida-Fruit: It's okay. I like Britany a little. and again, It's okay, I know how hectic life gets.  
  
Chrissy Greanleaf: Glad someone liked it.  
  
manny-cassie-santos: Thank you!  
  
incurelf: Sounds neat!  
  
raindrops: Thank you! I'll try to live up to the expectations.  
  
A.N. Anouncement. From here on out. Every chapter will be dedicated to a reviewer. Sorry this is so late. I've been busy and had writers block, been sick, etc. Ja Ne. I'll try to post again this week. 


	13. Gilderoy Lockhart

Chapter 13: Gilderoy Lockhart (Dedicated to Tara)

Blimey at the chatter in this room. I certainly hope this Professors not evil too.

The door opens

Please don't tell me this is the new Defence Against The Dark Arts Professor....He looks like a hair care commercial!

"Let me introduce you to your new Defence Against The Dark Arts Teacher."

Oh good, It's not him.

"Me"

Oh God. Someone kill me now.

(Moro: Well my beloved readers, What say you we make his dream come true.)

"Gilderoy Lockhart...Order of Merlin, Third Class...Honarary member of the Dark Force Defence League...And five times winner...of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award. But I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at him."

Oh my god. That is the phonyest laugh I have ever heard.

"Now, be warned. It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizard kind."

We're doomed.

"You may find yourself facing you worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here, I must ask you not to scream, it might PROVOKE THEM!"

Pixies?

'Cornish Pixies?' I here from behind me

"Freshly Caught Cornish Pixies. Laugh is you will Mr. Finnigan, But Pikies can be devilishly tricky little blighters...Lets see what you make of them!"

How stupid can you get!

"Come on now, Round the up, Round them up, They're only Pixies!

Shut up you stupid Git! Oh no! They got Neville! What are they gonna do...Why are they carrying him over me?....Oh no...They've dropped him on me....Oh dear it seems that when he fell he impaled me through the heart on Ron's Wand...Now that can't be good.

Reviews: BTW Sorry I haven't updated I've just been REALLY busy, First I was sick and then I Graduated and had to plan the party, Then I took classes at H&R Block, And then I was sick.

Tara: Lol. yeah.

cold-night09: Well I never watched South Park but I heard about it. Yeah I guess now that you mention it.

chrissycrazy4: Well I was sick.

Wind Wanderer: Yeah! Oreos! Now I just need some milk!

raindrops: Why thank you!

iluvglorfindel: I tried! I'm sorry.

Raine Is Crazy: Here you go now.

ERMonkey, Burner of Cookies: Why thank you!

egg-in-head: YAY! My insanity works miracles!


	14. Quidditch, Part 2

Chapter 14: Quidditch, Part Two (Dedicated to N-Gruil aka Patrick)

Oh dear Griffindor versus Slytherin as if I didn't learn my lesson last year.

"Another goal for Slytherin! They lead Griffindor 90 to 30!"

Rotton Luck. Oh my, the Slytherins are starting to remind me of a flock of birds. Oh dear What does Malfoy want now?

"Alright there Scar Head!?"

Just ignore him, Just ignore him, Cripes that Bludger came a little too close to my head.

"Watch yourself Harry!"

"Wood, Look out!

Told ya. Wood has rotten luck against Slytherin it seems. Is that Bludger aiming for me or something! I fly but it follows me. My, Back with Malfoy.

"Training for the Ballet Potter!?"

Jeez, The Snitch is right by you Stupid! I duck as I hear a wooshing sound, That's right try to hit Malfoy now. It's now or never I race after the Snitch, Malfoy's catching up fast, Now he's infront of me.

"You'll never catch me Potter!"

Just wait and see, Told ya, Now I'm infront of Malfoy, He's caught up, We're neck-to-neck Up and by Colin we go, We're down again, The Bludgers playing Ping Pong with itself it breaks out the side, Now it comes infront of us, I duck Malfoy moves to the side Hah Stupid Git got his broom caught on a rafter, I Make it to the open part of the Pitch, I've almost got the Snitch, Ahh, The Bludger broke my arm, I lose my brace, I try to fly without using my arms, I fall off but I caught the Snitch.

"Harry Potter has caught the Snitch, Griffindor Wins!"

Thanks for the obvious Lee. Oh dear The Bludgers falling towards my face I better move, I can't, I'm too scared. The Bludger crashes through my skull.

Reviews: Well Since I have none as I'm posting this with Chapter 13 this has turned into an Authors note. I just got back from Medieval Times With Patrick and his Wonderful Family, I had a fantastic time. Heh, The Blue Knight couldn't get his Sword back into It's Scabbard. It was Hilarious! Well gotta go now! Ja ne!


	15. Duelling Club

Chapter 15: Duelling Club (Dedicated to Onyxlight...Because she helped me back on my feet.)

Why exactly are we in the Great Hall of all places for a lesson...

"Gather Round" Oh great it's the great ponce himself.

"Gather round. Can everybody see me? Can you all hear me?" Sadly enough...yes "Excellent. In light of the dark events of recent weeks, Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start this little Duelling Club, to train you all up in case you ever need to defend yourselves, As I myself have done on countless occasions. For full details, See my published works." Do they tell us how to destroy the arrogant Gilderoy Lockhart? No...Then they're rubbish. I wish I could blast you off your high pedestal.

"Let me introduce my assistant, Professor Snape." Here he comes...The Great Bat himself.

"He has sportingly agreed to help with a short demonstration. Now I don't want any of you youngsters to worry. You'll still have you Potions Master when I'm through with him. Never fear." We don't.

Take notes Harry. Take out wands. Bow. Walk 5 paces and turn.

"One. Two. Three!" Oh my God! He can count! I'm shocked!

"Expelliarmus!" Wow! Snapes my new hero! I wish it was me who knocked Gilderoy on his...

"Do You think he's all right?" In the head...No.

"Who Cares?" Wow. Smartest thing Ron's said all day.

"An excellent idea to show them that, Profesor Snape, But if you don't mind my saying, it was pretty obvious what you were about to do. If I had wanted to stop you it would have only been too easy." Right that's why you didn't block.

"Perhaps it would be prudent to first teach the students to block unfriendly spells, professor." Heh. Snape looks like the cat who caught the canary.

"An excellent suggestion Professor Snape. Let's have a volunteer pair. Potter, Weasley, how about you?"

"Weasley's wand causes devastation with the simplest spells. We'll be sending Potter to the hospital wing in a matchbox." Thank you God! "Might I suggest someone from my own house?" Don't say Malfoy. "Malfoy, perhaps?" That's right Professor take a little turn on the catwalk. You've done made my day hell.

"Good luck, Potter." Thanks alot Lockhart.

"Thank you, sir." Though I don't need it. I'll never die. Much less by a Slytherin brat. (I'm really hating Harry right now. I'm a Slytherin.)

"Wand's at the ready." Raise wand.

"Scared, Potter?" Yeah right.

"You wish." Lower wand. Walk down the table.

"On the count of three, cast your charms to disarm your opponent. Only to disarm. We don't want any accidents here. One. Two."

"Everte Statum!" Ow! My neck...Did iI hear a snap. Drats...I think my neck snapped...I was killed...by...a...Slytherin...Brat...

Okay not my finest but I'm starting again sorry it took so long I'll do as much as I can tonight, But I've been kinda down lately and not in the mood to write.

Okay Review Time:

Teeny-Weeny: Thank you so much!

cold-night09: It does doesn't it! Poor Harry...Wait I'm a Snape fan.

darkpriestesstsubaki: I'll be doing the third one have no fear. But go with feelings.

BlackClaw: I will...maybe.

faerie-kittie306animelover: I do a little.

JustBecauseI'mAgUrl: Thank You!

MoonlightPoetry: I normally don't answer reviews to previous posts. But I think I will today. I wrote this just for stress relief I didn't think it would be so popular. I tell people who I meet who I am...They fall off their chairs. I love the fame.

SilverTrinity: Thats where I heard it before! I couldn't remember the movie's name. Just the line.

dacheese: I count it as a valid smile. Maybe a young Snape one.

raindrops: Me too! I'm really starting to hate COS. Too many death scenes.


	16. Aragog

Chapter 16: Aragog (Dedicated to Sesshy'sfavhuman also for helping me back on my feet)

We walk out into the dark...now I'll probably die here.

"Come on." Okay...It's suicide.

"What?" Are you deaf?

"You heard what Hagrid said. 'Follow the spiders.'"

"They're heading to the Dark Forest. Why spiders? Why couldn't it be follow the butterflies?" Ron...Sometimes I wish you were a witch

20 minutes later

Good thing Fangs not afraid or spiders. I wish I could say the same thing for Ron.

"Harry, I don't like this." No kidding "Harry, I don't like this at all." Shut up Ron!

"Shush!"

We have to go in there?

"Can we go back now?" I wish I could say yes.

"Come on." Gotta be the man.

It's awfully dark in here.

"Who is it?" Great...There has to be a creepy voice.

"Don't Panic." Right keep telling yourself that harry.

"Hagrid? Is that you?" Darn creepy voice.

"We're friends of Hagrid's" Though maybe not once we get out of here.

That's a big spider...uh-oh. I think Ron may have just wet himself.

"And you? You're Aragog, aren't you?"

"Yes. Hagrid has never sent men into our hollow before." I wish he still didn't.

"He's in trouble. Up at the school, there have been attacks. They think it's Hagrid. They think he opened the Chamber of Secrets. Like before."

"That's a lie. Hagrid never opened the Chamber of Secrets." Must remember not to make the big spider angry.

"Then you're not the monster?"

"No. The monster was born in the castle. I came to Hagrid from a distant land in the pocket of a traveler." Then what's the monster I wonder?

"Harry." Oh Ron.

"Shush." Now to Aragog. "But if you're not the monster, then what did kill that girl 50 years ago?"

"We do not speak of it. It is an ancient creature we spiders fear above all others." That don't tell me much...

"But have you seen it?"

"I never saw any part of the castle but the box in which Hagrid kept me. The girl was discovered in a bathroom. When I was accused, Hagrid brought me here."

"Harry!" Enough whimpering!

"What?" I look up and I see...Lots of hungry spiders...I'm suprised Ron hasn't had a heart attack by now.

"Well, thank you. We'll just go." That's right, Ron. nod your head like a big dumb dog.

"Go? I think not.My sons and daughters do not harm Hagrid on my command. But I cannot deny them fresh meat when it wanders so willingly into our midst. Goodbye, friend of Hagrid." Goodbye...

"Can we panic now?" Yes Ron.

I try to bat them away with the lamp but Me, Ron, and Fang are too quickly over taken by the spiders. In short...They got us.


	17. Chamber of Secrets

Chapter 17: Chamber of Secrets (Dedicated to cold-night09)

I can't believe there was a chamber under the girls sinks...

"Excellent, Harry. Good work. Well, then, I'll just be...There's no need for me to stay." Grab him Ron!

"Oh, Yes there is." We draw our wands "You first."

"Now, Boys, what good will it do?"

"Better you than us." My words exactly Ron.

"ButObviously, yes." That's right. Turn Lockhart. "Sure you don't want to test it first?" Oh Ron, don't push him with your wand (Pervy mind seems to be wandering at this point). You don't want to break it anymore than it already is. "It's really quite filthy down here."

"All right. Let's go."

"Oh, Harry?" Myrtle? "If you die down there, you're welcome to share my toilet."

"Thanks, Myrtle." Reason not to die.

We jump in and the tunnel doesn't seem to end...till we hit the bottom with the bones. yuck.

"Now, remember: Any sign of movement, close your eyes straightaway." And we're off through the tunnel.

"Go on." Uh-oh, Seems like Lockhart needed prodding.

The air smells fouler this way "This way."

"What's this?" A snake-skin Ron...No wonder Snape calls us dunderheads.

"It looks like a snake." Even the professor is a dunderhead it seems.

"It's a snakeskin." Idiots.

"Bloody hell. Whatever shed this must be 60 feet long. Or more." Nice going Ron...He fainted.

"Heart of a lion, this one." Definatly not a Gryffindor...

He stole Rons wand! He didn't faint? Not Slytherin either it seems. He's threatening us with a broken wand?

"The adventure ends here, boys. But don't fret. The world will know our story. How I was too late to save the girl. How you two tragically lost your minds at the sight of her mangled body. So...You first, Mr. Potter. Say goodbye to your memories. Obliviate!" It back fired! Oh no. It started a cave it!

A Stone breaks my leg and I don't move fast enough I get a stone to the head and I'm buried at the bottom.


	18. Dobbys Reward

Chapter 18: Dobby's Reward (Dedicated to SilverTrinity)

I walk to Dumbledore's desk after Lucius Malfoy leaves.

"Sir? I wonder if I could have that?" I motion to the book on his desk. Tom Riddles diary.

I make my way down the stairs to where Lucius went.

"Mr. Malfoy." Is he deaf? "Mr. Malfoy! I have something of yours." I shove the diary at him.

"Mine? I don't know what your talking about."

"Oh, I think you do, Sir. I think you slipped the diary into Ginny Weasley's cauldron, that day in Diagon Alley."

"You do, do you?" He gives the book to Dobby "Why don't you prove it? Come, Dobby."

"Open it." I slipped my sock in the book.

"Dobby."

"Master has given Dobby a sock." Heh heh. I guess I do belong in Slytherin after all.

"What? I didn't give"

"Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free." I lift my pants leg to show off my sexy legs.

"You lost me my servant!" He looks pissed.

HIS WAND IS IN HIS CANE! Oh no...

Dobby runs for cover...in House Elf fashion...waving his new sock...the coward...

"Avada Kedavra!" I see Green. Lucius Malfoy can now say...Oh My God! I Killed Harry Potter!

DONE! Later I will work on Prisoner of Azkaban...Now I must sleep. I hope you all appreciate what I do for you. I have to get up early tomorrow...well today now. yawn good night. Let me recover my strength and I'll see about Prisoner of Azkaban. Kay. Night!


	19. The Knight Bus

Chapter 19: The Knight Bus (Dedicated to Sessh'sfavhuman, For not giving up on me)

I go down the stairs, trunk thumping noisely behind me. Oh no, Uncle Vernon doesn't look to happy, nope.

"You bring her back! You bring her back now. You put her right!" Now I see where Dudley gets it from, He sounds like a child when their favorite person leaves.

"No. She deserves what she got." The spoiled brat. Though if I said that last part aloud he might try to kill me. Oh, and there he goes. I draw my wand.

"Keep away from me."

"You can't do magic outside school." Good point. Oh well, Never hurt to bluff.

"Yeah? Try me."

"They won't let you back now. You've nowhere to go." Again very valid point.

"I don't care." Yes I do "Anywhere is better than here."

And I go down the driveway and down the street to the park. A crossroads...I sit down. The lights start to flicker.

A dog? I walk towards it to the center of the street. It growls and barks, I whip out my wand and of course slip and fall in a puddle. I see lights appear out of nowhere...They get closer...They're not stopping, It turns into a bus, a bus that rolls over me, crushing me under it's tires.

"Welcome to The Knight Bus emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. My name is Stan Shunpike and I will be your conductor for this evening...Hello? Dratted kids playing with us again most likely. Take her away Ern."

They don't even notice me...

Yo! Long time no see! It's been reaaly busy We had puppies and I just turned 19, I got hamsters one of whch should be pregnant, and I got ferrets! guess their names! Guess! Alright then...Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. they're cute little fellas.

Reviews: Everyones favorite part!

Sessh'sfavhuman: Glad you like. Sorry if this chapter sucked but that was the only early movie scene I thought I could do and I'm dead tired with writers block...

tweeny-weeny: LOL, yeah but I don't like the fact the werewolves look like were-rats with mange.

Fk306animelover: Totally understand, glad your back.

Kristyn Decker: This is purely for entertainment purposes.

cold-night09: Thank you, glad somebody does!


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